Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
