I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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