so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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