You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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