I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
