Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
