Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
