I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
