My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize