good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
