Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
