chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
