it hurts more in the daytime
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
