Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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