My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
