I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
