did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize