I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize