So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
