you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
