This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
