Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
