Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
