New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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