Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
