He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
