I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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