and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
