YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
another moral hangover. fuck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
