Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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