We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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