yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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