I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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