I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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