my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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