Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
