We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize