i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize