No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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