wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
