Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
...so i touched it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
