my vag is so smooth its legendary
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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