Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
