How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
