Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
