You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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