I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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