pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
