dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
