how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
