She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
