If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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