Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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