i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
