Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
