i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
