clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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