burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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