I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
